How I met, married Maryam, abandoned old ways – Babangida

Former Military President Ibrahim Babangida has opened up about how he met and married his late wife, Maryam.

Mr Babangida married Maryam, initially named Maria, on 6 September 1969, and they have four children: Aisha, Muhammad, Aminu, and Halima.

Maryam died on 27 December 2009 due to complications from ovarian cancer.

In his autobiography, A Journey in Service, the 83-year-old narrated how he met his late wife.

PREMIUM TIMES reported that Mr Babangida unveiled the autobiography and launched his presidential library on Thursday.

He said: “I first met Maria Okogwu (as she then was). As young officers, we shared digs in the unmarried officer’s quarters by Kanta Road in Kaduna, and I was now seeing more of Maria. She was stunning. Her ebony beauty set off enchanting eyes, and her dazzling smile showed off a lovely set of teeth; when she smiled – and she often smiled – her face lit up, and her eyes danced. Duba was as much a brother as a cousin to her, and, on the back of that, I often saw Maria at Duba’s house and when she visited us at Kanta Road.

“I was very fond of Maria, and she, eventually, of me. There was more than an element of predestination in our relationship. It was at NMTC that I began to notice Maria more. Duba’s father was fond of me, so I was mindful

that my bonds with the family meant that I had to be more cautious than usual, a factor that synced with my natural shyness. She and I remained friends and maintained that friendship through my early years in the army, which included sojourns abroad for training in India and the United Kingdom.”

The chosen

The alumnus of the Royal Armoured Centre revealed that he began considering marriage at the age of 28 after being shot in a battle with a piece of shrapnel lodged in the right side of his chest.

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According to him, he felt the need to get married while receiving treatment at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), Idi-Araba, Lagos, as he was his parents’ only surviving male child.

“This was the first time I recall seriously thinking it was time to find a wife as a life partner. I was 28, and it seemed to me that it was time to settle down. While I was in the hospital, the Head of State and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, General Yakubu Gowon, had gotten married to his lovely wife, Victoria, with much pomp and military pageantry.

“I cannot deny that their marriage and the accompanying ceremony further focused my mind on getting married myself. Lying in my hospital bed, I had lots of time to run through the various relationships I had had and try to decide which of them would best stand the test of time. Time and again, Maria

Okogwu kept popping into my mind with her ageless beauty and enchanting smile,” Mr Babangida added.

Proposal

The Niger-born stated that after being discharged from the hospital, he proposed to Maryam in Kaduna State.

He further noted that his late wife initially rejected his proposal because she did not consider him serious.

“I had settled on Maria as the woman I would wed before being discharged from the hospital, and as soon as I was discharged, I made my way to Kaduna, where she lived with her mother and uncle. I was anxious to share the good news with her: I had decided we were destined for a life together. I admired her greatly for her reserved nature and the fact that she was well brought up.

“I wanted to make my intentions known to her and was determined not to accept No for an answer. Fortune favours the bold, and it smiled upon me; I counted and still count myself lucky. Initially, Maria was highly sceptical of me as marrying material.

She knew that I had a track record of being something of a man about town, and those were not the qualities she wanted in a husband. She was unconvinced of my capacity to be serious, and many people said as much to her,” he said.

However, the politician said he convinced Maryam to marry him with the help of his friend Garba Duba’s father, Muhammadu King, who was Maryam’s uncle.

He explained that Mr King supported his cause because Maryam’s family had no objections to their marriage.

Mr Babangida added: “I shared with her the fact that my faith was an integral and essential part of my life and that I would require her to convert to Islam. Praise be to Allah; this was not a difficult decision for Maria. Being part-Christian and part-Muslim at birth and already living in a Muslim household, it was never going to be wholly uncharted territory for her.

“She adapted with relative ease to married life as a Muslim. In proposing to Maria, I assured her that, though a Muslim, I did not intend to take multiple wives and bring up children from different women. I knew full well that my chances of a stable family life would be significantly improved if I avoided polygamy. I had witnessed close up – both among professional colleagues and in my extended family – the headaches and heartaches this led to, and that was not the life I wanted to live or to share with her.”

Good wife

Mr Babangida stated that Maryam surpassed all his hopes and expectations in his youth at every stage of their marriage.

He revealed that his late wife and friends doubted his ability to uphold his marriage vows.

“From the outset, it was evident that Maryam was an excellent housewife, with a clear conception of the role of a housewife and a determination to perform that role exemplarily. Throughout our marriage, she was always very hands-on about my food. She either cooked my meals herself or personally oversaw their preparation.

“We both saw our marriage as our freedom and agreed to sort things out ourselves if we quarrelled. We were very compatible; indeed, I can only recall two occasions on which we quarrelled, and neither of us was afraid to apologise to the other. In all our years of marriage, it was never necessary for anyone to mediate between us over a misunderstanding because of that original meeting of minds.”

He noted that his late wife stood firmly by his side, unwavering in her support, throughout every stage of his career in the army and government.

Mr Babangida recalled that Maryam had always wanted to be more than a housewife; she aspired to be an active partner with him.

“Many outside observers do not understand how a woman who knew what she wanted and went after it with a laser focus was also such a devoted wife, housewife, and mother. For me, there is no dissonance to reconcile. Her devotion to me, our family, and our country was the foundation of her success as a wife, mother, and trailblazer.

“It’s after I became Chief of Army Staff (COAS) in 1983 that Maryam was able to begin to show and share with the country what I already knew, that she was a remarkable woman with a clear conception of what she wanted to do, could do and ought to do. By tradition, the wife of the Chief of Army Staff is the President of the Nigerian Army Officers’ Wives Association (NAOWA). In this role, she did not allow the grass to grow under her feet.”

Death

Additionally, Mr Babangida said that since Maryam’s death, he has been reflecting on a few mistakes they made as a family.

He said he was able to become the best version of himself because his late wife always supported him.

“She never gave me cause to second-guess her. I feel that our mutual trust was like a self-reinforcing superpower. Still, I honestly believe that if it had been in my gift to know what lay ahead in my life before I got married, I could not have made another or a better choice than the one that topped that list at LUTH all those years ago.

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“I never imagined that Maryam would pass away before I did, but the gift of life is in Allah’s hands, not in humanity’s. I am grateful for the life Maryam and I shared and for the fruit of our union. Coping without her has not been easy, but it has been made much less demanding by the memories of our life together and the length of her shadow,” said Mr Babangida.

He described Maryam as a devoted wife, mother, homemaker, and passionate advocate for rural women. Above all, he saw her as a true partner.

He said they lived together without allowing their perceived faults and shortcomings to affect their children.