A few years ago, a sister asked me, “Pastor, if I divorce my husband, will I still make it to heaven?” There was clearly no biblical basis for her consideration. She was seeking validation to pursue an economic agenda, leave her spouse, relocate abroad, and start afresh. I told her the truth; she feigned agreement but eventually abandoned her husband. Today, she lives overseas, yet her life is filled with deep regrets.
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Countless believers today are struggling with serious marital challenges. Divorce rates are rising sharply, not only among ordinary Christians but even among clergy. At first glance, this might suggest that marriages in previous generations were shielded from the socio-economic pressures and cultural complexities that confront the present generation. However, that assumption is incorrect. Every generation and culture faces its own unique set of marital challenges.
First and foremost, Christian marriages are not mere contracts, they are sacred covenants. Unlike contracts, covenants are binding and rooted in divine principles. Regardless of modern opinions or teachings that contradict the eternal truths of Scripture, the foundation established by God remains firm and unchanging. According to the Word of God, you cannot divorce your spouse outside of the biblical provisions for divorce. These provisions are clear and uncompromising: only sexual immorality or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse constitute legitimate grounds for divorce (Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:15).
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The foundation of anything determines how it will function and whether it will endure various shades of internal and external pressures. This principle applies to life, business, and most importantly, marriage. Let’s explore some critical truths about marriage.
When building a house, the foundation is non-negotiable. It is shaped by the architectural plan, the quality of materials, the skill of labor, and the governance of the process, who does what and when. If the foundation is weak, the entire structure is at risk. Similarly, everything designed to work well and last draws its success DNA from its foundation.
Marriage is no different. Man is not the foundation of marriage, God is. Therefore, whatever the Creator and Owner of marriage says is what builds and sustains it. Ignoring this truth is like ignoring the blueprint of a manufacturer when assembling a complex machine.
These foundational principles apply universally, regardless of religion, culture, tribe, or social status. However, today we focus on Christians and examine the principles of marriage from a Christ-centered perspective.
Foundational Principles of a Christo-Centric Marriage
- Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract.
A contract can be broken for convenience; a covenant cannot. You cannot divorce for just any reason. Scripture permits divorce only under two conditions: sexual immorality or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:15). Jesus was clear and uncompromising:
“Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9).
Paul adds one scenario, abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15). This means divorce is not a solution; it is an exception. Modern reasons like stress, incompatibility, emotional strain, or ministry pressure do not qualify. When a believer or minister divorces outside these biblical grounds, it becomes a moral deviation from God’s standard.
Example: If a pastor divorces because of “irreconcilable differences,” this contradicts Scripture. Biblical marriage demands endurance and forgiveness, not escape.
- Marriage Must Be Between Two Believers
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
A Christian cannot marry just anyone. There is a divine will in marriage. Not every Christian fits your vision or future. You need a spouse aligned with your calling, values, and destiny. Since humans lack the ability to perfectly discern this, God becomes the ultimate source for finding the right partner.
- Sexual Purity Within Marriage
Two married believers must not engage in sexual pleasure with anyone other than their spouse (Hebrews 13:4). Adultery destroys trust and violates covenant.
- Headship and Love
The man is the head of the wife, not a 50:50 leadership formula (Ephesians 5:23). However, headship is not dictatorship. The man must love his wife unconditionally, and the wife must submit willingly and joyfully (Ephesians 5:22–29).
Note: Submission is not manipulation or coercion; it is humility-driven and rooted in love.
- The husband must love his wife unconditionally, not with conditions or limitations. Likewise, the wife must submit wholeheartedly, as instructed in Ephesians 5:22–29. Note: Submission is not about manipulation, coercion, or control; rather, it is love-based, voluntary, humility-driven, and centered on servant leadership.
- A child of God cannot marry just anyone.
There is a divine will in marriage. Not every Christian is suitable for your present or future. You need a spouse who aligns with your vision—someone who fits your past, present, and future. Since we lack the ability to perfectly identify such a person, God becomes the ultimate and only reliable source for finding the right spouse for His children. To be continued
Ayo Akerele is the senior pastor of Rhema Assembly and the founder of the Voice of the Watchmen Ministries in Ontario, Canada. He can be reached through [email protected]
