Media personality Olateju Oyelakin, famously known as Teju Babyface, has sparked fresh debate on relationships with a controversial take.
Teju Babyface, who married Oluwatobiloba (nee Banjoko), an ex-beauty queen, in 2012, shared his unpopular opinion in a monologue on his YouTube channel on Monday.
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Babyface, who welcomed a set of twins in 2018, after six years of marriage, posits that if one cheats on their spouse, they owe it to them never to come clean.
According to him, confession does not benefit the partner as it only transfers guilt and pain.
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The host of the ‘Teju Babyface Show’ on YouTube further stated that confessing to infidelity is not honesty.
“That is cruelty. You’re being wicked. Don’t do it,” he said.
“If you cheat on your wife or husband, don’t ever confess. It is one of the most catastrophic and dumb things you can ever do in your life.”
Manipulative honesty
According to the actor and OAP, confession is a form of manipulation. Those who confess, he said, are not motivated by truth but by the burden of guilt.
According to him, people who confess manage to convince themselves that they are trying to come clean and be honest.
“But the reality is, you are not being honest. You are being manipulative. If honesty were your greatest strength, you would at least be honest about why you want to confess.
“The reason you want to confess is not because you are honest. The reason is the weight of guilt. A guilty conscience is killing you, and you are looking to share it with somebody. You are looking for somebody else to bear the burden with you,” he said.
Using himself as an example, Babyface said that before he got married, he was in a serious relationship, and he cheated and “stupidly” told her.
In a moment of retrospection, the actor, who became famous after starring in the 1998 classic ‘Diamond Ring,’ said that he did so because he was trying to sabotage that relationship.
He said he couldn’t get out because she seemed perfect on the surface.
“If I broke up the relationship by myself and walked away, and later it turned out that I had made a mistake, I would blame myself. I had made those mistakes before and didn’t want to blame myself again.
“But if I cheated and then confessed and she left by herself, then in some twisted way, it would look like she was the one who left, and I would be justified. This is how people think,” he said.
For him, the act is less about healing and more about shifting emotional weight from the guilty party onto their partner.
“By telling your wife or your husband, your spouse, your partner, your significant other, you are hoping they will do exactly what most people do, that they will go up in flames and torpedo and grenade and scatter the relationship,” he added.
Blissful ignorance
Referencing the popular saying that ignorance is bliss, the OAP insisted that there is no benefit to one’s spouse when they confess to infidelity.
“All the benefit is yours,” he said.
Speaking further, he notes that the popular saying is one of the most shallow thought processes because, in reality, what you don’t know will kill you most of the time.
“But one of the very few exceptions to that rule is when your spouse is cheating on you, when your significant other or your partner is cheating on you.
“In this case, what you don’t know will not harm you. Because a whole lot of the time, the partner already suspects. They suspect that you’re cheating. So by confessing, you are actually bringing their greatest nightmare to life. You are not solving anything by confessing.
“What you are doing is shedding the weight of the guilt off your own shoulders or subconsciously sabotaging your relationship. You are now harming them twice. You already harmed them, you already hurt them by cheating even though they didn’t know,” Babyface noted.
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Admonition
Teju Babyface offered advice for cheating spouses on how to assuage their guilt.
“Stop cheating,” he said, “so you don’t have anything to break their heart with and confess in the first place.
“Take all of that guilt, turn it inward. Stop, and change your actions. Or maybe change part of your character; part of your character is flawed, so maybe do that.”
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