Surrogacy: How I bonded with the woman who carried my child

Nollywood star Ini Edo has opened up about the deeply personal journey that led her to motherhood through surrogacy, revealing how she built an emotional connection with the woman who carried her child.

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Speaking at the recent Meet Surrogate Mothers IVF conference in Lagos, the actress shared that the experience went far beyond a medical arrangement; it was a partnership shaped by trust, shared decisions, and a bond that grew throughout the pregnancy.

The actress recounted her own surrogacy journey, emphasising that it was intimate, ethical, and filled with grace rather than the transactional process many imagine.

The actress also called for the promotion of legal and ethical surrogacy practices that protect mothers from stigma and captivated the attendees with her personal surrogacy story.

Ini Edo, known for her commanding roles in ‘Citation (2020), where she portrayed a resolute professor, and ‘While You Slept’ (2015), embraced surrogacy to become a mother, offering a deeply personal perspective on the process.

With all free IVF winners from the conference now beginning their treatments, her words underscored the human side of surrogacy amid Nigeria’s evolving legal landscape.

Emotional Bond

Speaking about the emotional bond between intended mothers and surrogates, Ini Edo said: “But through love, sacrifice, and trust. For me, the journey was intimate and not transactional. The surrogate who carried my child was not a stranger from a nameless system. She was a woman with her own family, her values, and her dreams.

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“She wasn’t a vessel. I was involved every step of the way. Intended mothers are typically involved in parental care, prenatal care, medical decisions, and emotional bonding during pregnancy. And even though they are not physically carrying this child, they walk the journey together,” the actress said.

While highlighting the humanity in surrogacy over industrial perceptions, she added that, “Even though they are not physically carrying this child, they sort of walk the journey together. So when people reduce surrogacy to being just a baby factory, I think they erase these layers of humanity.

“They overlook the safeguards, the ethics, the choice. They forget that love can take many forms, and sometimes the most profound acts of love come from someone who carries your child but doesn’t raise them.

“Someone who lends her body so another can cry in the future. That is why we need a new narrative. A narrative that champions ethical surrogacy, grounded in informed consent, legal protection, and mutual respect,” she advocated.

Ini Edo also emphasised the need for compassion and reform: “The world where no woman is being exploited, but also where no family is ever denied hope simply because their path to parenthood looks different.”

She further stated that, “Surrogacy is not perfect. It needs revelation, transparency, and empathy, but it’s not a factory. It’s a bridge. A bridge between despair and joy. Between strangers who become families. Between the impossible and the miraculous.”

Legislature

Moreover, turning to recent developments in the Nigerian legislature, Ini Edo shared her support for reform efforts. She noted, “Talking about revelation, I was happy to recently read in the news that the House of Representatives moved to ban commercial surrogacy in Nigeria.

“Further propose a jail term and a N2 million fine on culprits. Other key provisions of the bill include banning commercial surrogacy. The agreement must be strictly altruistic. No financial profit is involved except for reimbursing medical and pregnancy-related expenses.

“Explicit protection against coercion or forced surrogacy arrangements, amongst others. We need legal protection and clarity. 3. Nigerian law should recognise and protect the rights of mothers through surrogacy, ensuring full legal parentage and avoiding court disputes,” the actress clarified.

While further defending surrogacy against stigma, the filmmaker said: “Surrogacy deserves respect, not stigma. It’s a modern solution to infertility. Just like IVF or adoption, it should not be shamed or seen as less than traditional motherhood.

“Motherhood is more than biology. Raising, nurturing, and loving a child defines motherhood, not just childbirth. A surrogate may carry the baby, but the intended mother gives the child a home and a life,” she said.

Furthermore, reflecting on her emotional journey, the movie producer stated, “Nothing gives me more joy than my child. Surrogacy gives me the greatest gifts, but more importantly, it taught me that family isn’t defined by biology or tradition. It’s defined by love, sacrifice, and unwavering belief.”

Personal journey

Ini Edo continued by offering empathy to others on similar paths. She encouraged: “As someone who has worked this path, I only ask, before we judge, let us listen. Before we generalise, let us understand.

“And before we speak of surrogacy as a business, let us see it for what it can be, a profound expression of humanity. To anyone working a similar path, know there’s no wrong way to become a parent.

“There’s only your way and your story, no matter how different it looks. It’s still deep, beautiful and deeply yours, as long as you’re within the laws,” she said.

Describing her experience as transformative, she added, “My journey to Motherhood looks different. It was unconventional. It was complicated. But it was also courageous. It was filled with grace, grit, and, above all, love. It didn’t make me any less of a mother.

“If anything, it made me more aware of the power of faith and more attuned to the miracle of life. I’m more deeply connected to the idea that motherhood isn’t just something you carry in your body, it is something you carry in your soul,” the actress said.

Ini Edo concluded, “If you take nothing from my story, please take this. Sometimes, the path to your dream doesn’t come in packages that you expect. But if you dare to trust the journey, even though messy, uncertain, heart‑breaking paths, you might find yourself holding a miracle you once thought was out of reach.”