Woman, your child is wailing and your vegetables are dying. I can see you but you can’t see me. For N 15,000, the Nigerian Police Force permitted me to tint my windows and increase the degree of our separation. Yet, we are all together. Fear has made me a lonely sojourner. I…

My dear love, I have no other way of calling you but by the very name that bring great men to their knees. Whenever it’s Valentine, you make me act like drunk African head of state and randy French president. Your voice is sweeter than a newly serviced Jenkins sound-proof…

I am back from church. It is noon on Sunday and the hammering has ceased. The carpenter is done. I look out my window, a shrine stares back at me. Rain has given way to sunshine. Blinding rays bounce off the corrugated zinc covering the shrine. Everybody has one in…

I don't know at what age Soyinka wrote poetry to his first white hairs, but it must have been exhilarating or debilitating to discover the white intruders in his all black congregation of hair. I just realized recently that when human beings get to a certain age they begin to…

Growing up in my village in Nigeria, my friends and I had a favourite game. We called it Asesebhor — “Are we there yet?” It was a game of trust. You picked a playmate to lead you to an undisclosed spot. You’d close your eyes and, like a blind mendicant,…

We Nigerians name our years, but not like the Chinese who name their years after animals. God forbid bad thing. The God we Nigerians serve is grander than that of goat, dragon, horse, sheep, monkey, snake and the rest of the animal kingdom.  Matter of fact, we have pastors whose…

A man has two scorpion tails that must never be stepped on barefooted – his mother’s reputation and his religious belief. Man can easily kill and has killed when these two very volatile lines are crossed. One of Nigeria’s biggest problem today and even the world over is religious intolerance,…

I grew up under my grandfather's ancient pear tree in the Nigerian village of Uwessan. The tree's roots were massive and its leaves shielded us from hot tropical sun while we played soccer. Elders also used it as shade while drinking palm wine and telling hunting tales in the evening.…

Lately, I have been drawn into the affairs of the Vatican like a flirtatious butterfly to sweet smelling nectar. I have been submerged into the traditions of men with long, black, red sometimes white gowns and red caps. They were the cardinals that would select the next pope. The entire…

Last Sunday was Superbowl in America, and if you missed it I am sorry and if you don’t know what I am talking about, omase o. It is one of those Sundays I looked forward to because you could get really drunk without your family suggesting you go for AA therapy. But…

Victor Ehikhamenor delivers one of his best, a satirical inaugural speech Obama would have delivered, as a Nigerian politician. (more…)

Congratulations, I heard they finally gave you American visa after five years of praying and fasting, gathering documents from bank to bank like babalawo collecting items for sacrifice. More interestingly, you have chosen to celebrate your Christmas in America. Great choice but before you buy that ticket to God’s own country, here are a few things…

Another satiric piece from Victor Ehikhamenor on materialism in Nigeria. (more…)