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God is listening to my thoughts and looking through my eyes.
Strange things continued to happen after Jesus became my Lord and Saviour. I discovered that another Person was now living in my body. He plays hide-and-seek, but I caught Him once looking through my eyeballs and listening through my ears. Suddenly, I realised that even my thoughts are now bugged.
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I overheard this same Person singing a praise song to God within me, without my initiative. I even found myself suddenly crying on different occasions, certain that it was not me, but Someone was using me to cry. This then raised a vital question for me. Does this same Person use my mouth to speak?
The scriptures provided the answer. Jeremiah says:
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“The Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: ‘Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.’” (Jeremiah 1:9).
I soon realised I was living the scriptures, as they came alive in dramatic fashion in my life.
Jesus says:
“I will pray to the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever – the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:16-18).
My new fellowship with this “Helper” transformed my life. The presence of the Holy Spirit in the temple of our body is a firm assurance that God loves us. Thanks to Him, we can appreciate the length and breadth and depth of God’s love because:
“The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5).
Intimacy with God
The Holy Spirit also provides us with infallible proof that God is not a figment of our imagination. Day in and day out, by His fellowship and counsel, He demonstrates that God is a living God. We cannot have a relationship with the Holy Spirit and still be in any doubt that God is real.
For the first three months of this new relationship, God put everything in my life in slow motion, so I could see clearly what was happening. I went to a church and saw the people as skeletons. They were like malnourished children reduced to skin and bones, who could hardly walk. The Lord told me they were suffering from “spiritual kwashiorkor.” I walked down the road and saw zombies; dead men and women walking up and down.
If I asked God a question, He would either answer directly or answer through someone. I would turn on the television and someone would answer my question. Someone would come to visit me, and he or she would tell me what I needed to know without my having to ask. It became clear to me that God was the one controlling everybody.
After three months, the slow motion returned to normal speed. But now I know that God contrives everything. He works everything together for my good. Thus, Paul says:
“In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will.” (Ephesians 1:11).
How many coincidences do we need to experience before we realise that coincidences do not exist? What we call coincidences easily become the amazing devices of God. And then there are those intimacies that turn our relationship with God into a veritable love affair.
Sometimes, the Lord wraps Himself completely around me. It started with Him just holding on to my legs. Gradually, it developed into Him enclosing me all over with a kind of warm blanket. On those occasions, He would say nothing at all. I would have to be completely still. If I moved, He would immediately withdraw.
The psalmist confirms this, saying:
“(God) will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings, you will find refuge.” (Psalm 91:4).
But before I wax lyrical about my intimacies with God, it is important to point out that the atonement is also a killer. Walking with God spells death. Death to self: death to personal agenda. Since it means God is now living with me permanently, my life can no longer be determined by what I like, but by what God likes.
Paul says:
“Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own.” (1 Corinthians 6:19).
This means I can only listen to the type of music that God likes. I can only read the type of books and magazines that God likes. I can only watch the type of films that God likes. I can only speak in a way that glorifies God. I can only act in a godly manner.
These are not laws I have to obey, but laws that I must choose to obey to enjoy the presence of God fully, and ensure that the Holy Spirit does not withdraw into silence.
August Roommate
The fellowship of the Holy Spirit can be exacting. The Holy Spirit is a different kind of companion. He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24). He never leaves us alone.
He goes with us to the toilet. He reads all our mail and letters. He even eavesdrops on all our thoughts. There is no hiding place from Him, and there is no escape from Him.
David asks God:
“Is there any place I can go to avoid Your Spirit? To be out of Your sight? If I climb to the sky, You’re there! If I go underground, You are there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute- You’re already there waiting! Then I said to myself, ‘Oh, He even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!’ It’s a fact: darkness and light, they’re all the same to You.” (Psalm 139:7-12).
There is now no hiding place from God. We cannot even hide in our thoughts. We cannot hide in our hearts. We cannot sing praises to God in church while undressing the praise leader in our minds.
Very early in the relationship, I rebelled. I felt that it was becoming insufferable. I felt it was becoming too claustrophobic. I cried out to God like Job:
“What is man that you make so much of him, that you give him so much attention, that you examine him every morning and test him every moment? Will you never look away from me, or let me alone even for an instant?” (Job 7:17-19).
The Holy Spirit wanted all of me, but I wanted to retain some of me for myself. I wanted my life back. So, I jumped down from the cross.
The result was disastrous. I went into a deep inexplicable depression. I could not put a finger on it. Nobody offended me. No calamity occurred. But a dark cloud descended on me, and I knew that I had grieved the Holy Spirit. I had to seek the intercession of my wife to pray for my forgiveness before my intimacy with God could be restored.
The message to me was clear as crystal:
“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
(Ephesians 4:30).
