If I were Tinubu, By Wole Olaoye

“Who are you to think you can advise the president? What do you know about governance to delude yourself that you have anything concrete to offer?”

Over the years, I have received reactions like the above from political Rottweilers and provincial vuvuzelas who insist that the president is an omniscient Kabiyesi who is not answerable to any mortal. But I believe that there is a lot to be gained if we harness the vibes of all manner of brain frequencies (ask your neighbour for the meaning of “orí tútù, orí gbígbę, orí yíyan and orí òfóòrò”).

To make myself as clear as possible, I dial back to my column in Daily Trust on August 15, 2011. I titled it, ‘Nigeria: If I were the President’. I wrote as follows: “I do not delude myself that governing Nigeria is the easiest of tasks. Whoever occupies the presidential seat at any time needs the citizens’ input and goodwill. It is difficult for the people to succeed if their government fails….”

Urgency of Now

Dr Martin Luther King Jr. spoke of “the fierce urgency of now” in the fight against injustice. The need to re-engineer Nigeria is no less urgent now. The freedom fighter’s words remind us that progress doesn’t happen on its own — it’s built by those who look out for their neighbours, serve in their communities, and stand up for what’s right.

My secret passion is to be counted on the right side of history. I’m sorry if I sound impatient, but ‘Tick says the clock. Tiick, tick… What you have to do, do quick’!

Over the years, I have written extensively on the need for purposeful leadership. I believe that we should all be in the business of lighting a lantern instead of cursing the darkness. I’ve asked myself several times over: What would I do differently from President Bola Ahmed Tinubu if I had the chance?

First, I would treat insecurity as a procurement item. Security of lives and property will be assigned to the best hands at the business— security consultants whose main weapons are electronic. Why waste bullets on Boko Haram elements when they can easily be smoked out of their holes and incinerated without direct engagement with Nigerian troops? President Jonathan’s security contractors almost finished the job in 2015 before we pressured the smiling politician to declare a truce on the eve of the enemy’s surrender.

Do the math if you can. It takes only a fraction of what you would have spent on the regular army to engage a security consultant with better results. Modern warfare has gone digital. Those who are stealing a huge chunk of current allocations to security can look for other avenues of lining their pockets. The lives of our soldiers should be more important than anyone’s greed!

Once the security contractors are in full engagement gear, the government can then begin retooling the regular armed forces with emphasis on remote combat engagement and digitisation of signal operations.

Restructuring

I will send a bill to the National Assembly on unbundling the country by converting the six geopolitical zones to quasi-independent economic units to enable the development of their full potentials. Restructuring should have been done since the day before yesterday. The next best time is now.

All terror sponsors will be dragged before the Special Tribunals which will be created to expeditiously dispense with cases relating to security threats. Corrupt government officials who dribble public funds into their personal accounts will be executed in line with a new law enacted to that effect. Nigerian corruption cannot be cured with grammatical circumlocutions. Shoot the wolves and let the people learn that crime does not pay.

The aviation sector needs some creative thinking. Why would Nigerians need one million Naira for a return ticket between Lagos and Abuja? I recall with sadness that a return ticket for students (to London and back to Lagos) in the late 70s cost less than ₦100. Rebate tickets were routinely available. Whatever taxes that are responsible for the current insane hike will be axed; same with the train.

One of the major problems confronting Nigerians is their superstitious disposition and religious effervescence. There is already a credible template established by the Rwandan government. If mechanics and electricians have to go through apprenticeship to be recognised by the state, how much more for an engineer of souls and salvation? Anyone desirous of being a pastor or imam should go and earn an appropriate degree in the field. Otherwise, he should be treated as a peddler of fake spirituality.

Populator-in-Chief

If I were president, I would introduce a bill on responsible parenting to rein in ignoramuses who think that fatherhood begins and ends with a stiff phallus. Bearing children without any plan to rear them is a bleeding shame! Anyone engaged in the despicable practice ought to be in jail.

Nobody has a licence to embarrass Nigeria with street urchins strewn all over the highways with the hope that the federal government will pick up the bill. The truth is that the practice of bearing children without rearing them as responsible members of a family is inhuman, unsustainable and scandalous. It ought to be outlawed immediately.

One of my prime goals as president would be to crash the price of petroleum products. What do Nigerians gain from their Nigerianness? With some effort, we can increase our daily production to three million barrels per day. Why can’ we reserve one million barrels for local refining and consumption so that a litre won’t cost more than 300 Naira? It always looks impossible until somebody does it!

There is a yawning trust deficit between the government and the people because of palpable inequities flagrantly flung in the faces of the people by the ruling elite. When the government claims that the country is broke and that there is a need to tighten the belt, Nigerians laugh at the pot-bellied politicians and their entourage of gilded palaces-on-wheels. At every turn, the people will tell you that you can trust the government only at your peril.

People’s Welfare

The only valid barometer to gauge any government’s standing with the people is their welfare. If the people are starving and running from pillar to post to escape from terrorists, they would be perfectly right to say that the government has failed. But if the common people can beat their chest and say, “Under this government, my family has fed well, our children are in school and we can plan for their future while enjoying the luxury of sleeping with our two eyes closed”, what other verdict does any government need?

Forget the Bretton Woods Institutions. Charity doesn’t have to begin abroad. The gauge of success is the people’s welfare.

I know that politicians campaign in poetry but govern in prose. Nonetheless, the urge to leave a good legacy for posterity should be enough tonic to propel anyone to thinking about higher ideals. Come to think of it, making a name by transforming the lives of the people is the very definition of immortality. Every president, including President Tinubu, would want to be counted with the immortals.

There is still plenty of work yet to be done, Mr President.