Sabiu ‘Tunde’ and Kperogi’s fairytales, By Maiwada Dammallam

One could swear Farooq Kperogi, the runaway “patriot” and serially busted liar obsessed with the idea of pulling President Muhammadu Buhari down, is the lowest of all “wailers” given his poor ability to properly contextualize issues and or match allegations with common sense. In his latest round of regular display of such consuming behaviour, he came out with a “revelation” which even to his best friends, couldn’t be anything more than the confirmation of his state of mind.

As usual, Kperogi was told by an “insider” about a supposed one TRILLION naira in cash President Buhari’s Special Assistant Sabiu Tunde Yusuf stashed in various banks accounts in his own name, properties worth billions in many parts of Nigeria, and up to N7 billion worth of shares in AA Rano Oil.

First, let me make it clear this is not an attempt to hold brief for Tunde Sabiu, who could approach any court to seek redress if he feel injured or slighted by Kperogi’s outlandish allegations. However, I feel duty bound to expose the lies of Kperogi and highlight the dangers of allowing desperate people like him to invest the honor and dignity of innocent people to fuel their hatred against President Buhari or anyone else.

Let me begin by saying I’m fully convinced this “insider” exists only in the infantile imagination of Mr Kperogi. This “insider” has been trailing Kperogi and pushing him into avoidable gaffes that ordinarily one would assume are beyond Americans Kperogi is perpetually striving to emulate. The same “insider” once upon a time informed Kperogi of the “murder” of former NSA Dasuki in a prison cell by President Buhari only for Dasuki to resurrect, later regain his freedom and is now living happily ever after.

So, how long will Nigerians continue to clap for this clown even when his lies are busted with more regularity than updates on Facebook? Me Kperogi’s classical desperation is such that he could author an absurdity that could shake the dumbest of the dumb to the bone marrow, ascribe it to an unverifiable source and except readers to swallow without chewing as if he’s the best thing of all times to happen humanity. This is an insult to the collective sensibilities of Nigerians. Notwithstanding, let’s review the fresh lies from Kperogi’s library in as speculative manner as he cooked and served Nigerians.

According to Kperogi’s “insider source” “Sabiu’s friends tell him he has up to one TRILLION naira in CASH in various bank accounts in his own name, properties worth billions in many parts of Nigeria, and up to N7 billion worth of shares in AA Rano Oil.” Unquote.

ONE TRILLION NAIRA equals one thousand billion naira. I wonder why Tunde would be so dumb to keep such a humongous amount in cash in various bank accounts as if he was in planet Jupiter on holiday when bank accounts of thieving politicians and civil servants were at different times ransacked to retrieve such illicit proceeds by this administration and few others before it. Certainly if he could make an illicit ONE TRILLION, he will understand the danger of stashing it in bank accounts and make it easily traceable to him by his friends or whoever. Actually Kperogi confirmed this much when he opined “President Buhari does his own stealing by proxy, which makes it impossible for anyone to trace anything to him.” We don’t expect President Buhari to be so skillful a thief only to leave his nephew untrained — a nephew described as so close to his heart by Kperogi in his numerous outings.

One will also like to know who is the dumbest here between Tunde who “stashed” a stolen ONE TRILLION NAIRA in bank accounts for his friends to discover and tell Kperogi and the Kperogi who lack the common sense to request for bank statements of the illicit bank accounts to build a watertight case with which to nail Tunde and President Buhari and score his life ambition. This is classical stupidity especially coming from somebody who throw around his American residency with more pride than the official occupants of the White House. I thought his American experience has taught him matters like this are settled with documents not with mere social media updates.

By the way, this wannabe didn’t even notice that ONE TRILLION is more than 10% of Nigeria’s annual budget and couldn’t be stolen by Tunde in the life of President Buhari’s administration without anybody noticing until when Kperogi was told by a friend of Tunde’s friend. Not even in the madness of the social media jungle where he’s a leading professor could Kperogi make this allegation stick. Actually if one deduct all the sums Kperogi alleged were stolen under Buhari, I wonder if there will be enough left to fuel Buhari’s official convoy much less, something for Tunde to steal ONE TRILLION out of.

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The silliest of Kperogi’s allegation is the one about Tunde buying N7 billion worth of AA Rano’s share. It’s easily verifiable in the registry of CAC that AA Rano is a limited liability company. Now, either Kperogi is working with the idea that Nigerians are stupid or he is stupid not to know “shares” of quoted and unquoted companies are not sold/traded over the counter like chocolates. Shares of quoted companies are traded by stock brokers who must be licensed by the Nigerian Stock Exchange while Financial Markets Derivatives Quotes (FMDQ) is where shares/stocks of unquoted companies are sold/traded. Is Kperogi so daft or just unconcerned about the integrity of honest and hardworking Nigerians to crosscheck his “insider” information with NSE or FMDQ if not to avoid dragging names of honest and hardworking Nigerians at least, to save what’s left of his largely phantom reputation? By the way, it’s absurd somebody with a cool ONE TRILLION Naira is his bank accounts would bother to buy N7 billion shares of A A Rano. For what if I may ask?

The allegation of buying N7 billion AA Rano’s shares, coming after the allegation of a ONE TRILLION heist by one and the same person, is sillier than alleging the subject has a private jet only to add he has a Honda Accord. Who but a disturbed mind will put emphasis on N7 billion over a trillion naira cash? But then, Kperogi, a professor of Emerging Media, is perhaps too far gone to be bothered about the repercussions of this stupidity. He it was that published a Kannywood movie scene depicting it as a war scene in Sambisa just to disparage the Nigerian Army and ridicule President Buhari.

If Kperogi could be caught pants down with such an unprecedented lie in an area he claims to be a professor, what more could one expect when his envy and hatred drag him into a more sophisticated and alien field like the stock exchange. If he’s daft to confuse a movie war scene with a real life event, honestly I don’t expect him to know how to connect shares, brokerages, investors and make sense of them for a successful malicious campaign. That he has been doing it and getting away with is what emboldens him. If I were A A Rano I would have challenge the unsubstantiated claim and demand at least an apology from the rumour monger if not to shame him at least, to teach him a lesson and save his future victims from his malicious, childish and baseless attacks.

Lastly, this one is to assist Kperogi translate his gaffe into money. ONE TRILLION NAIRA is quite a huge sum and, despite the overhyped comfort of his American life, Kperogi could join the big American league with just 5% of the sum which equals N50 billion. However, it’s obvious he’s either so consumed by hatred or idiocy to see a very simple opportunity to hit it big by whistleblowing. There’s a policy in place in place that allows 5% of the total amount recovered from whistleblowing. Is it that Kperogi is too big to be enticed with a N50 billion jackpot or he’s just a liar who’s feeding Nigerians low quality lies just to create confusion in Nigerian?

Danmallam is a public affairs commentator.