I thought I should let my mind wander in the body of Aba Saheed this week and give my readers a taste of the Abasaheedic satiric elegance of the days of yore. Two prominent figures presented themselves for lampooning this week: one, a most talkative, vengeful and reckless individual, the other a most provocative, frightful and controversial individual who has assumed the fabled character of one Mrs Virginia Bottomley in Tola Adeniyi’s classical play; Deaths in the Thighs.
Mr Loquacious was never my candidate for the exalted position which Federal Character awarded to him. We must concede to him that he is one of the most brilliant Minds the country could ever boast of. Mr Loquacious is intelligent, very intelligent, bright, bold and extremely expressive. In communication prowess, he hardly has a peer. He is very good. But the downside is that he does not know his limits. He operates as if the world order is not governed by boundaries.
In some of my previous writings I had referred to Mr Loquacious, the megalomaniac Prince as the de facto Head of state. He behaves and parades himself in a way to suggest that the office he occupied, and which he still technically occupies, places him at par with Mr President.
When he was given the job of regulating the banking and financial sector of the country’s economy, he saw in the post, a most calculated opportunity to humiliate all his former colleagues and seniors in the banking profession, and to further rub insult on an open sore, he chose to satanically take away the commanding heights of the banking industry from a section of the country where banking had held sway when Mr Loquacious grand grand parents were still in the womb. And as the Yoruba would say, his forefathers were still pouring down rains from heaven!
So, last week when the extraordinarily ambitious prince was thrown out of the window, not many people sympathised with him.
But the other side of the coin of the ‘Suspend Me, I expose You saga’ is that the circumstances leading to the de-robbing of Mr Loquacious did not go down well with many Nigerians who believed, rightly so, that the Prince was being victimised because he dared to dare the sacred Scarecrow in the most corrupt government of this Century.
$20 Billion, a humongous figure, a sum that could create many Refineries, create many Universities, create many industrial estates to absorb some of 75 million unemployed people of this country is said to have found its way to the throat and stomach of some sacred cows under the watch of both the Scarecrow and her employer!
Nigerians, the subject of my forthcoming book titled NIGERIA: A COUNTRY OF IDIOTS, would not have heard of this reckless and heatless theft if the now embattled Prince had not blown the whistle. I think, for this, Nigerians will forever remain grateful to him, and perhaps forgive him some of his alleged sins.
The government at the Centre in Nigeria is a product of a most discredited father by the name of PDP. That father has many aliases. He is called Power! He is called Impunity. He is called Thief-Thief Unlimited. He is called Gormandiser. He is called Beast of no nation. He is called Shamelessness. It is this father shielded by a shredded Umbrella that has produced the current Sectionalised national government which has now become notorious for shielding all sorts of the most corrupt elements in the country.
Most men like women. But most men do not allow women to override their judgement. Most women enjoy the aroma of sensuous perfume. But most men do not allow such aroma to intoxicate them. Most men enjoy the company of women with tantalising endowments. But most men have learnt a lesson from the misfortune of Samson Agonistes.
Sorry for the diversion.
There is a Government cabinet in Africa, luckily not Nigeria, which is populated by women who are more powerful than their head of state. The women have been accused of so many horrendous crimes, but their head of state usually turned the deaf ear when issues about these women take centre stage in the country’s media!
Back to our sacred cow. It is difficult to understand why a woman so clearly embarrassing to the government should be allowed to remain in the cabinet. And she is not the only one. The continued stay of this woman whose uncommon pair of glasses can frighten a young lad into fits is going to be subject for PhD researchers in many years to come. Somebody somewhere must be deriving some pleasure in having this woman continue to taint the not-too-bright pane of this administration.
Impunity is the word. “You can go and hang!”. That is what Nigerians have been told a million times in any matter that concerns this woman, who unfortunately does not have the grace to call it quits.
But matters have now come to a head. The loquacious prince may be the death knell of Madam Bottomley. We shall see how matters will resolve themselves when motions are tabled in court.
The whole world is watching. But that is not likely to matter to a government that has no conscience.
On a more serious note, if and when I am coming back to this world God does not create me a woman and endow me with sweet thighs, I will take Him to court. Christians and Muslims tell us their God is a Man, so it is safe to refer to that Arab-Judaic God as He. If he therefore fails to make me a woman and send me to Nigeria to become a Minister under a most corrupt government, I will rescue Him to a standstill.