Mommy Patience was not a patient! By Victor Ehikhamenor

Singing * Come and see, come and see o, come and see, come and see what the Lord has done, come annnnddd see what the deh Lord has done. My people I say come and see oooo, come and seeeee, come and see what the Lord has done, come and see what the Lord has dooonnnnneeeee ..Hallelu…Halleluyah!

Yes, shame on you people with reckless mouth who flooded the country with terrible rumours about our Mommy, yes you know yourselves. All of you that thought Mommy will not return in one piece, yes you and you and you. Let me tell you something your olofofo mind don’t know – God does not rest even if His children are resting in a hotel or hospital bed. Who has heard of a country where the First Lady or Permanent secretary can’t go on vacation or take a small rest without hunger infested mouths bombing the country with lies? Jobless people!

Heartless individuals! Not even once did any of you sympathize with our embattled president. How many of you can survive few hours without their indomitable, formidable, prayer-warrior, double-barrel iron-clad better half? As soon as Mommy boarded a plane all of you started fermenting rumours, revealing what your wicked minds conjured for our Mommy. Even those that don’t have handset or TV started saying all sorts. How did you know? Did the Presidency open their clenched mouth one day to tell you about Mommy’s mission abroad?

Even remote villages without electricity flew rumours like kites – she went for this and went for that. Despite the fact that our daddy president kept mom about our Mommy, you still found a way to attack him and started drawing parallels of Mommy’s restful situation with that of Yar’ Adua, Stella Obasanjo, etc. Wicked machinations of jobless minds – yes you and you and you. But death in office is not our Mommy’s portion in the name of Jesus!

Now that Mommy is back what is you next round of rumours? Now that you know that this woman is solid like iroko and weapons fashioned against her will penetrate her, wetin you go do? Can you imagine – some of you even said she had food poisoning as if she feed on rat food. Where have you heard that a First Lady suffers food poisoning before? Do you think our Mommy eats overnight fufu or three days old amala and cold gbegiri, or do you think she buys rotten fish and boli at Rumokoro junction? Shameless people, ignorant Mommy-haters! If you haven’t heard, you better ask somebody! Our Mommy is now built more solid than any German machine and no food fashioned in your mind’s kitchen can poison her. Agbaya people!

Oh, I almost forgot to tell Mommy you all said she went for plastic surgery. Plastic surgery kor, aluminum surgery ni! Mcheew. I have never seen a people like you people before in my whole life. Lies, lies, lies. Our Mommy don’t have time for stupid and vain things like cosmetic enhancement. Mommy is beautiful, elegant, wonderful, regal, ebullient, articulate, lustrous, bold and very comfortable in her radiant majestic skin. What will she need plastic surgery for? Have you heard of anybody that won a second term in office because of plastic surgery? Even sef, what do you think Mommy wants that she does not already have. A loyal husband, double career as First Lady and Permanent Secretary, good friends and every citizen in Nigeria loves her, except unpatriotic ignoramus like you.

Kai! What sickness did you not haul at our Mommy, but her God that does not sleep did not make any of them flourish. Those of you who thought that mommy’s rest was going to be rest-in-peace, I say God did not answer your witches’ wish. Those of you that wanted to make our president a widower and orphan, God did not listen to your evil desire. “We are saying thank you Jesus, thank you my Lord we are saying thank you Jesus, thank you myyyyy Lord!”

All of you should have come to the airport to see God’s work as Mommy triumphantly hugged and kissed daddy president. Yes the Dame came home. Thousands of Nigerians came to welcome Mommy, eat your hearts out in sour source. Jealousy people, some of you shamefully did not even know when to stop, calling us that went to welcome Mommy – jobless people. For your information, Nigeria do not have that many jobless people to fill 20 luxurious buses.

Once again, mommy did not go for any tommy tuck, terminal illness, appendectomy – you people keep guessing, that will keep you busy till 2015 when Mommy will show you what she went for in Germany. For now, we her numerous illustrious children would like to thank God for given her a second chance to return to the husband that loves, her, the Nigerian women that will vote for her come 2015 and the less privilege children of Nigeria that will witness her second coming. And yes, we thank God for Mommy Patience’s trial in the wilderness for seven weeks.